sealed together forever

the past couple of weeks has been such an emotional rollar coaster. we lost our sweet baby girl Molly.

I had my blood taken about a month ago and it came back high for spina bifida. So we had to go to a high risk doctor to get everything checked out. Things still weren't adding up when we went to the doctor. She had fluid in her brain, my placenta was really messed up but her spine looked fine. So I had to get some of my amnionic fluid tested. The doctor told us there was something wrong for sure. At this point me and Nathan were so scared. Mostly just not knowing what was going on.

When we went back to get the test results we knew it wasn't good just from how everyone was looking at us. Then when she took us into her office instead of a patients room we really knew something was up. We were expecting to go in there and be told we were going to have a handicap child. What we heard instead turned our world upside down. Our baby had triploid disease which is not compatible with life. It was also the highest type of it to where if I held the baby in me much longer it could eventually take my life. I had to get induced in two days and she wouldn't make it through birth. This option had never ever even crossed our minds. We never thought we would lose her. I threw up for the first time my whole pregnancy that day.

I went into the hospital Monday at 7:00 AM and gave birth to her on Tuesday at 12:13 AM. When she came out they announced her as not alive. They gave her to Nathan first and right when they put her in his hand he felt the strongest thump in the back of his hand. He said, "She's alive. I just felt her heart beat." The nurses didn't believe him but then they came over and felt it as well. Molly had made it through birth and we were able to spend 45 minutes with her. She didn't move or her eyes never opened but we could see her heart beating through her chest. It was truly a miracle. All the doctors told us she would not make it through birth. We even filled out paper work before and had to redo it all to change it to a live birth.

After 45 minutes with her, the nurses came in to take her to get her changed and to get her foot prints. When they brought her back she was gone and you could feel it so strong. It was like right when she was taken from her mommy and daddy the Lord took her. We didn't realize how strong her spirit was until it was gone. It was now just a body and the feeling of the difference was indescribable.

It was a very emotional 3 hours. Nathan explained it best when he said we were "broken." Even though she was only 18 weeks she looked so perfect and beautiful to us. She had the bowman chicken legs, nathan's big toe, nathan's nose, and she had long fingers just like the both of us. It was so crazy to us how fast we fell in love with her and how much we missed her when we technically never met her. She was definitely daddy's little girl already. Nathan was so protective of her and wanted everything to be perfect for her all the way to how she was buried and the stone we picked. I was so grateful for Nathan because I was still in pain and a little out of it after she was born and Nathan made sure she still got tons of love.

Saying goodbye to her was the hardest thing. I could have stayed in that hospital forever. Me and Nathan just sat and held her and cried. Then we had a prayer with her. Nathan said the most beautiful prayer and then it was time to hand her over.

We buried her two days later. She was buried with my Grandpa who died when my mom was 8. We wrapped her in one of my Grandma's white handkerchiefs, put a little bear in there my mom bought, and nathan wanted to put a picture of us in front of the temple so we could always be with her. We just felt the Lord with us so much during this whole ordeal and we felt so much peace. Knowing that we would be able to see her again helped us through this so much. She just needed to come down and gain a body and her mission was fulfilled. I am so grateful for the Gospel and the knowledge and that we are sealed together as a family forever. I can't imagine going through this with out the Gospel in my life. Every night we thank the Lord that we are sealed together and ask him to give Molly a hug for us and tell her how much we love her.

"The Lord takes many away even in infancy, that they may escape the envy of man, and the sorrow and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely, to live on the earth; therefore if rightly considered, instead of mourning we have a reason to rejoice as they are delivered from evil, and we shall soon have them again." --Joseph Smith